Friday, September 19, 2008

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I saw the movie The Women this week with some friends, and it seems to have me pondering life a bit. Amidst all the drama and the shameless product plugs (there were A LOT), the movie was quite provocative. The main character (Meg Ryan) goes through a difficult time in her life and ends up trying to figure out what she wants out for herself. She's a wife and mother, but something is missing.

All week I have been deep in thought about what may be missing in my life. I gave up a very successful career to become a Mom, and I do not have any regrets. I am very blessed that my husband is able to support my decision to stay home during these early years of our son's life. My main goal and purpose is to raise a happy, healthy child to send out into this big, big world.

That being said, my son is growing up so fast and it's starting to become clear to me that I cannot stay home forever. Going back to my old career is not really an option; too much travel and very long hours. I have thought about teaching and was working on my degree before I got pregnant. Now I question that path - will it really fulfill me or will I just be getting a job that allows me to work around my son's schedule?

The minute I gave birth it stopped being about me, and I completely accept that. However, I also believe we are all better Moms if we have something in our lives that fulfills our desires. When my son was 6 months old, I started a small business that has managed to stay afloat for 4 years, but it doesn't pay the bills. I need to find something that truly inspires me and that I enjoy doing, and that will help support our future. My fear is if I take a job doing something I don't enjoy, it will not benefit my family in any way (we all know if Mommy ain't happy, no ones happy).

I have some time to figure this out, but I must do just that. When the time comes for me to start working again, I want to be ready. I want to know what I want to be when I grow up.


HipMomma said...

You are not alone. I think most of us in the same position (kids will be in school full time next year) are thinking the same thing. I think we do lots of soul searching and finally something just feels right. You have so much creative talent. I wonder if you are led in that direction.

Theresa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I was just looking around at various things and came across your blog about "What I want to be when I grow up" I just had to let you know that you are not alone in this struggle. I can so totally relate to what you are saying. As you know, I opted for the teacher route and I am sure it is mainly because of the schedule and how it fits with my kiddos schedule. I still feel that I may not have found my "what I want to be when I grow up". I hear of others finding creative outlets, great flexible hours and even a way to work from home, but guess my time has not come yet. Just thought I would share with you that your blog really hit home with me.